Principles and Practices
There is a Quaker phrase, “Principles and Practices,” referring to words that guide our beliefs and actions. Here are some of mine for spiritual accompaniment of children:
Welcome in. Welcome out. While living in Berkeley, I noticed a chalk drawing made by a child with carefully practiced letters, at the wooden gateway a few blocks from where I lived. I passed it daily and admired it for about a week. Drawn in fluorescent green chalk, it was the word “welcome” in lowercase letters, written so one was greeted as one entered the gate in a tall wooden fence around a family yard, but also so one was greeted as one exited the gate, back into the world. The world welcomes you home as you reenter it. “Welcome” is written both right-side-up and upside-down, with the edges touching. You are reminded to make others welcome in your world.
Advocacy for, with, and by children. I cannot understand people who see children as less than adults. That makes no sense at all to me. Children, if anything, are closer to the truth of life than adults. They have not yet taken up the burdens of daily living in quite the same ways, and if they are strong and well supported, they may still see magic and believe more adeptly, maneuver more adroitly toward newness in the world. This is the moment in their lives where I live: this being-at-home in the world, or the need to rediscover that and claim it, and safeguard it against the diaphanous adult influence that seeks to divert, dilute, detain, and derail their true natures. Children know who they are are at their core, and they know deep down what they need to thrive. They need adults who can assist them to become individually and collectively whole and true to center, rather than the paler, less enthusiastic, less vivid beings we require of them so often at home and in public, which we “notion” them to be.
Art making tends to kids’ inner lives. It ennobles and empowers them. Children, individually and collectively, light up and go deeper into themselves when given the chance to create meaningful art that (in Quaker terms) “speaks to their condition.” I have run workshops for middle schoolers to tell their life story on a self-designed timeline of important events; for K-Grade 4 kids to come to themselves through choosing something, anything, they love most in the world, and making into a walking meditation: “Turtles in front of me; turtles behind me; turtles beside me; turtles in my heart” (accompanied by collage, of course!). When I explain, “This piece of art you are making, these words you are choosing, you can return to them during the week when you are baffled or unhappy or beleaguered.” And we walk it together the first time; and I whisper, “Did it work?” They nod, eyes wide open. I have listened to children’s stories while they played in free times. I have designed large-scale events to permit children to thrive in freely chosen play. Play, art making, self-design, choice, these principles are inextricably interwoven in meeting children’s needs.
Wildness and Nature make us whole. We spend so much of our lives indoors, in front of screens which connect us and tether us; but this is not the only way to be tethered and connected. We are whole, embodied human beings; our blood runs with the outdoors; the wind whips through our talents and sharpens them; the ocean brings us home to our hearts; the hills call us to climb, noticing every tiny flower and bud and hollow within the bole of a tree as we do. There is a serendipity that comes from being outside, seeing who or what calls to us: deer? rabbits? lizards? Take your pick. They are our sisters and brothers no less than the ones we’ve left indoors chatting up friends on their handheld devices. We need both worlds. Our wild self needs grooming by the rhythms of Nature every bit as much as we need time together indoors, cozy around the kitchen table, or sitting meditatively at our desks and seeing what words come next. We need Nature; she needs us; more to this song reveals itself in time, gradually, to those who listen for its notes.
We are stronger together than apart. Times of division are apt to rip us open. The only way to stitch ourselves together again is to be in harmony inside our core, and likewise with others. Time with other human beings, spent in pursuits that make us alive, whole, and grounded in our true selves are the only balm. Healing across divisions only comes with love, time, and deeper knowledge. I once worked at a residential high school. It quickly became clear on a tiny campus you were open and exposed 24/7. There was nowhere and no way to hide yourself. As I recoiled in shock at this new knowledge, a wise older woman said to me: “The more you get to know someone, you will come to love them.” I was skeptical but kept my thoughts to myself. Only, come to find out, years later, she was right. There were still some people in my tiny school world I did not like, I did not enjoy. But oh yes, I loved them. I could not refuse their hearts after being penned so closely for so long. This is a scary road but it is, I believe, the only one open to us that makes any sense, that has the power to move mountains over time.
Each teaches. Practice makes peace, glimpsed in moments of love. I can always learn from you. You can always learn from me. Are you ready to learn from every child you meet? Are you ready to accept that most of your teachers are younger in years, most of your learning comes from listening and observing and noticing the growth in others? Shy ones, are you ready to speak, to let go of your fears, to take your rightful place as a hero and leader and teacher of others? We all need each other to say yes to our own shared lives, or we go nowhere at all. Small is the only size that matters. Complex organisms are made up of tiny, freethinking and acting cells with membranes that make innumerable “decisions” daily. Take your place; and together we thrive.
“What do you notice?” You are in charge of your own healing, learning, and growing. This applies to children and animal friends as well as adults. My focus is on supporting *you* to make the changes you notice your life is asking for. This means putting your needs and observations at the center of every session and interaction. This can be a gentle process: suitable for all ages, backgrounds, and levels of experience.
I look forward to meeting you, and your children, on your journeys. Amen.
Kirsten Bohl: Nature, Play, Magic 